I'm Not Fine At All
by AngelOfThursday67
Summary: Scott hears a song on the radio that reminds him of Allison, just gave me a lot of feels writing this, so here is a dose of Scallison


**Author notes: this was inspired by someone cant remember right now but I have been meaning to do it for ages now this is just a one- shot so hope you like it.**

Scott sat in the car waiting for Stiles to finish in the grocery store, to be honest he hadn't had the best day today and really would of just liked it to end, Stiles had noticed and decided to drop in at the supermarket on the way home from school and get some chips, soda and popcorn for a movie and video games night tonight. Scott had agreed on the idea, with all the supernatural crap going on with the dead pool, he really just needed a break.

Stiles would be in there a while, he always has had trouble making a decision. So after a couple minutes Scott turned the radio on the entrain himself, he heard the radio announcer say a goodbye to the caller he was currently talking to. He then announced they would be back after a quick song. He said the name of the song was Amnesia by 5 Seconds Of Summer. Scott hasn't heard this one so he gave it a go.

The song started slow with the strum of a guitar, Scott bobbed his head along to the song slightly.

" **I drove by all the places we use to hang out getting wasted** "

 _Allison_.

He had driven past her house yesterday, he remembered the feeling in his gut looking at the all too familiar house,

" **I thought about our last kiss the way you felt the way you tasted** "

Scott remembered their last kiss, he was sitting in her room as she broke up with him. Before he left he had kissed her. He remembered being so hopeful that they would always be together.

 **"** **And even though your friends tell me your doing fine"**

All of his friends told he Allison was in a better place now, she would be alright. It was never the same, he never believed them

 **"** **are you somewhere feeling lonely….."**

"I wonder if she is lonely wherever she is" Scott though to himself missing the next couple lines of the song

"….. **Did you read the ones I wrote you"**

"he remembered the notes they used to send ' _because I love you."_ A lone tear fell down his cheek. And he wiped it away quickly

 **"** **Sometimes I stop to wonder was it just a lie, if what we had was real how could you be fine"**

"If what he had was real, why'd you have to die" Another tear fell, I hope where ever she is that she's fine. She deserves to be fine.

 **"** **Cause I'm not fine at all"**

And he wasn't he had weeks where he would lose control he lost his anchor entirely luckily the pack had been there to help with his loss of control. He said he was fine, that he was dealing with her death fine. But he wasn't fine at all.

 **"** **I remember the day you told me you were leaving"**

He remembered the weight of Allison in his arms and the gaping wound in her stomach

 **I remember the makeup running down your face"**

He remembered the blood dotting her lips and running down her face, and chin, with the words " _I love you Scott McCall"_

 **"** **and the dreams you left behind you didn't need, them like every single wish we ever made"**

He remembered feeling angry at first why she had to leave him and all the wishes they had made together.

 **"** **I wish that I could wake up with Amnesia"**

"I wish I could just forget about it all, forget about the supernatural, be a normal teenager"

 **"** **and forget about the stupid little things like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you"**

He remembered the feeling of Allison's body next to his, the warmth, the love and the danger

 **"** **and the memories I never can escape"**

Everything reminds me of you or something we did together

 **"** **Cause I'm not fine at all"**

He really wasn't fine

 **The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone**

He looks at the pictures of Allison daily, wishing for one last moment with her, Looking at their last conversations

 **I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone**

Sometimes he feels alone, he knows he has Stiles but the darkness in his heart creeps over a little more sometimes.

 **And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around**

He doesn't come out that much anymore he would just like to sit at home,

 **It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on**

That your not _here_

 **It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long**

Her name is like a taboo now, no ones dares to mention it. He sat there thinking about her, everything about her was beautiful, he name, her smile, her hair, everything

 **…** **.If what we had was real, how could you be fine?**

I hope she is fine….

 **'Cause I'm not fine at all**

Better than I am at least

 **I remember the day you told me you were leaving**

I remember telling you not to leave, we could of accomplished so much together,

 **I remember the make-up running down your face**

I remembered the tears running down your face. You knew it was the end, I told you not to go. But you couldn't stop it

 **And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them**

You could of gone so far…

 **Like every single wish we ever made**

The wishes we made together, he felt the steady stream of tears down his face, the flow that he couldn't stop.

 **I wish that I could wake up with amnesia**

To just forget _everything_

 **And forget about the stupid little things**

The small things, when he smelt a girl wearing the same perfume as Allison he had to stop himself, from hurting them,

 **Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you And the memories I never can escape**

The weight of her against his body

 **If today I woke up with you right beside me**

That would be amazing, I would never let her go

 **Like all of this was just some twisted dream I'd hold you closer than I ever did before**

Ohh how I wish this was a dream

 **And you'd never slip away And you'd never hear me say**

I would never let go, I would die for you

 **I remember the day you told me you were leaving**

I remembered the day you told me that you loved me for the last time, that is way _ok_ that she was dying in her first loves arms.

 **I remember the make-up running down your face**

The tears steaming down my face

 **And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them**

The people that stood around us that you were leaving

 **Like every single wish we ever made**

I wish you would come back

 **I wish that I could wake up with amnesia**

Forget everything

 **And forget about the stupid little things**

Little things that mean so much

 **Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you**

The weight of your head resting on my shoulders.

 **And the memories I never can escape**

The memories that I will never forget

 **'Cause I'm not fine at all**

Far from fine

 **No, I'm really not fine at all**

The mask wont last forever

 **Tell me this is just a dream**

If only

 **Cause I'm really not fine at all**

As the song finished Scott could feel the heavy stream of tears down his face. That wouldn't stop. He missed her so much, if only he had been quicker he could of saved her…..

A knock on the window caused Scott to turn and see Stiles, Stiles looked taken back but he got in the car

"ohh buddy whats wrong"

"I miss her" Scott said slowly

"I miss _Allison"_ it was the first time he had said her name in months

"I know, we all do"

 **Ok there we go finally done, leave a review. I am starting to write a one-shot series, if you want a story in it feel free to PM me I'll take anything.**


End file.
